by Dr. Lucy Lemon    

(Transmitted by James Gallant)  

These are troubled, ambiguous times. As we mental health professionals know, the brain does not like trouble and ambiguity any more than you and I. During the pandemic, fear is our constant companion. One can scarcely be unaware that chatting with an unmasked friend at a distance of less than six feet might put one six feet under.

That we must first disinfect the box from Amazon at our doorstep before opening it is a serious shock to our sense of normalcy—and does the trim blue uniform of the jaunty whistling mailman disguise the Grim Reaper?

We are like squirrels, unable to nibble their nuts peacefully without looking around to see what might be about to attack.

Psychologically, the situation is naturally worse for hospital workers in regular contact with infected people, but ordinary people—even mental health professionals like myself—are not spared heebie-jeebies. Trapped in my home, available only for digital consultations (drlemonisin.com), I must often remind myself of the therapeutic advice I provide others:

“Lemon,” I will say to myself, “make lemonade!”

In dealing with the pandemic psychologically, it is important to realize, first of all, that to feel anguish in troubled, ambiguous times is perfectly normal; one is not going over the edge.  “Oh,” one should say to oneself, as I sometimes do to myself these days, “I see why I feel as I do. People are dying all around me, and I might be next.”

Here are some specific recommendations for coping in these troubled, ambiguous times:

1. The refrigerator and kitchen shelves bulging with goodies are always near to hand, and when one confined at home is twiddling their thumbs, consumables beckon powerfully. But it is not a good idea to use idleness as an excuse for gorging on cookies, or consuming large quantities of alcoholic beverages. Incessant sexual activity is also to be avoided, since exhaustion may lower resistance to infection. (Whether in the end the pandemic will have assisted with the problem of overpopulation, or worsened it, will only be known months or years from now.)

Among the alternatives to such excesses as I have mentioned would be yoga or aerobic exercise, carpet vacuuming, or solo jazz dancing. I often recommend meditation to the more sedentary clients I serve at drlemonisin.com. A silver lining of this dark virus may well be that people lacking inner resources will have the time and inclination to forage for them. There are many websites like headspace.com offering instruction for novice meditators.

2. Without embracing the “Eat, drink, and make merry, tomorrow we die” philosophy—because, quite possibly we won’t—one should try to live in and for the moment. A blithe unconcern with the past and future that gnaw incessantly on the mental and emotional fiber of sensible people explains why so many mentally challenged persons are so happy. In these troubled, ambiguous times, we would all do well to imitate as best we can the joyous carelessness of the mentally challenged. The ordinary miseries of sanity will be upon us again soon enough.

3. Seeing the images of unfamiliar faces and listening to the electronic reproductions of voices is beneficial psychologically. One should certainly spend a part of every day on FaceTime or Skype. Focusing attention intently on our ever more abundant and fleeting screened immediacies may assist powerfully in achieving the carefree outlook of the mentally challenged. However, moderation is recommended. One should turn one’s attention away from screens and speakers frequently each day. Eat, shower, read, look out a window, vacuum a carpet. Try mastering a new skill, like standing on one foot, or a bird call. How much of your college French do you remember? Why not take out that old textbook? Before this pandemic is history, you may have learned how to order a fine meal in a Parisian restaurant without embarrassing yourself!

4. Confinement at home will inevitably yield more contacts between you and yours than is customary in the course of ordinary daily come and go, and may give fresh life to interpersonal problems. We receive anecdotal evidence of a recent sharp increase in interfamilial shootings and strangulations. You and yours may be able to mitigate hostilities brought on by forced intimacies simply by spending portions of a day apart in separate rooms, or by erecting temporary partitions of blankets or bedsheets where space is limited. Vows of silence may also be of value. Taking turns sitting in the family automobile may reduce friction.

5. We like to think of ourselves as atomic realities. I know I do. But one may well need the help of friends and neighbors during this crisis, and should not hesitate to accept it. Remember, doing yourself a good turn will not only give them something to do, but make them feel good. And if you are able to help others in these troubled, ambiguous times, don’t hesitate,  because studies have shown that doing so releases powerful positive neuro-physical responses in the brain.