cheyenne frazier

A Life Looking Through Glass

Pots clanging,
Children chasing,
Drunken laughter,
a time of togetherness
and friendly familiarity
broken by the glass
box I put myself in.

Eyes turn,
Heads swivel,
Words are spoken,
shattering the glass
I so carefully melded
and blew into the box that was made.
At the time,
not knowing how fragile
that barrier would be. 

I make my rounds
hug some
smile at others.
Don’t show fear
Don’t be awkward
Just be normal

I seek out comfort.
I look for someone I know.
Upon finding them, I feel some relief.
They leave to socialize.
Leaving me silent
Leaving me uncomfortable
Leaving me alone.

I’m rebuilding
my defenses.
Constructing a new box
to conceal my true responses,
defend my actual ideas,
to put a barrier between myself
and those only waiting for me
to self-destruct.

Bang Followed By Silence

Stay inside.
Lock your doors.
There is police activity.
Active shooter in these areas.
Oh no,
Oh god.

Schools are locked down.
Stay inside your homes.
But my sister,
my teacher,
my friends. 

My sister stays later than most kids,
practicing for future performances.
Sharing precious moments
full of random spurts of laughter
and inside jokes.
Ruined by the announcement. 

My teacher,
the one who’s healed
my inner scars.
The one who has taught me
more about life
than any other person.
My Loralei.
Silenced by potential
intrusion.

My friend,
who has to go to the library
every day after school
silenced by gunshots.
Unknowing if she will be next.
The fear,
the adrenaline,
the unknown.
Just enough to keep a person quiet.

Only one victim.
A 19 year old.
Not much older than myself.
It could have been any of them.
What would I have done?
A question I truly can’t answer.

Would I
shut down?
cry?
seek revenge?
move on?